Well, hello, or HELLO, since you’ve made it this far, I can at least offer you a hearty welcome. Today I’m deep in thought and reflection, over several major twists and turns my journey has taken. The last 2-3 years in particular, aside from the chaos going on in the world with politics, pandemics, and propaganda, but focused on a much more personal level instead. People, Places and things, that have exited from my realm of existence and the few that remain, and the even fewer who’ve entered into the same orbit as me during what’s been the most trying and difficult of times I’ve ever been through. The spiritual and emotional and physical trials have brought growth too, but growth watered with many bitter tears and cultivated over long lonely nights of despairing about things I am powerless to change or heal.
Fight it, deny it, ignore it, been there and done that, (never worked longer than it took to draw the next breath, and I’d be ground up like hamburger all over again). Having your dearest, most needed and taken for granted relationships broken and severed, when those you love the most are rejecting you and walking away, is a MAJOR motivator to turn one’s attention towards self inventory and soul searching. Oh how the revelations of all my missteps and missed chances stung so deeply. The cold hard mornings after realizing that as with most other of my “guiltless victim” claims, the misery I was under was ultimately self inflicted, in that I laid much of the groundwork that brought it about. To be fair and honest to myself, a lot of what amplified and aggravated situations to the level of complete meltdown, I was too blind, self absorbed, clueless. and stupid to recognize and make right. So there’s that little bit of solace. I’m not entirely to blame, because I qualify as a certified idiot when it comes to knowing how to navigate what’s important in life and matters of the heart.
Then one day I was praying and the bitterness wasn’t in my tears anymore, there’s still lots of tears at times, but they’re tears of forgiveness, tears of love, tears of longing, tears of hope, and tears of earnest desire to see healing and restoration in the lives of those who are always in my heart, on my mind, and on my lips daily in my prayers, and remembrances…….
That’s the heart and soul of what I’m trying to say in my song “Fading”
